I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
