my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
