Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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