C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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