Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
