Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The air was thick with penises
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
