There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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