pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
