and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
