Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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