Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
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One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
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Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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