I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
