I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
