Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
