When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
