Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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