I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
