I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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