we have officially lost it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
