my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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