you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
