i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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