I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
