i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
