your thong is hanging out like whoa
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
