so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
