When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
