also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
