Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
