Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
