I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
