I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sorry my hands just texted you
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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