you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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