I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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