i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
