We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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