I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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