the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
