Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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