i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
