I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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