this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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