You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize
