She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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