3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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