How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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