Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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