You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
