Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
