All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
