What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
