On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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