how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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