I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
