Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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