Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
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Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
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I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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