i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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