it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
