If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
