I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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