Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
