Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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