Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
