I accidentally burped into my bong.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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