that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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