we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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