i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
