thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
