Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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