I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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