I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
