it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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