How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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