Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
