I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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