yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
