So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
