I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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