So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
